Posts

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Kifah (noun in Arabic): Struggle, Fight  

Once, I was young and a stranger to myself because of my disability; I was born with it, and surprisingly, no one in my family has acknowledged it. Many moons have passed since I began, in silence, to accept it reluctantly. So, I had learned to pray before I could coo, babble, or make any short sound. Nature instills an elixir to rebuild categories of life forms like mine that could sustain harsh realities.

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Curio (noun): a rare, unusual, or intriguing object. 

Skosh (noun): a small amount. 

I have visited this landscape many times. It is well known to me that a miasma from despair makes the visible world opaque. Everything seems cynical. I never got used to this drudgery—nobody gets used to poverty or sickness. At times, I yell; at times, I cry. And at times, I do both, hoping that is what may crush the stalemate. Ultimately, what becomes evident being alive is that I must summon the absurd courage to inhale.

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Concinnity (noun): The skillful and harmonious arrangement or fitting of the different parts of something.

When we struggle to name our anguish, we unload and hang it on a mental rivet to hold the way we anoint it. 

With older parents in the family, we are a breath away from anything that could happen to them and constantly preparing in the shadow for everything that would. When we encounter a diagnosis, it is never how we want it to be but simply how it docks. Life becomes unmoored by sorrow in an instant. Each day becomes a crawling struggle, as if we are looking up from the bottom of a deep, dark well to understand what is happening. Each day becomes an eternity, one forcibly piled up on the other, muddied in a dazed clarity inside a disorder. To hope that diseases move along a reasonable, navigable, negotiable path is absolutely pathetic! We forcibly retreat into a dreadful solitude of brokenness. Sometimes, we bring others briefly over a phone call into our fierce battleground of coping. But before the sun dips into the horizon, it is always just us alone again and again. A merciless pull into the wreckage of our damaged psyche. From the intense force of unfathomable loneliness.

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Aeipathy (noun): an enduring and consuming passion.

Solandis (noun): a delicate flower

{A conversation with the imaginative “I.”}

We have yet to unravel the mystery of your being in my life. In their cosmic dance, the sun, moon, wind, and seasons have shaped you into the enigma you are today. Or so they say. Is this the truth?

Do you form connections with others as you have with me? What symphonies do you orchestrate, and what choreography guides you when the bond blooms? How do others grasp you? Yet, the uniqueness of our bond, like a rare solandis, is a marvel to witness. Is it a bond only ours, a treasure that we alone possess?

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Scintilla (noun): a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling.

Moni is a Bengali word meaning “retina.” In literature, it is the door to a person’s soul.

Mon a Bengali word. Meaning “ heart”

Centripetal force is what keeps moving objects in a circular path.

Dear “L”,

Oh, my Love, hug the Silence; our whispers dwell in it! “Listen” and “Silent” use the same letters but are arranged differently. We can attend to emotions that words and sounds can’t construct, but in silence, the realm beyond our acoustic capacity fosters them tenderly. It is not empty of sound but an invitation to concede the boundaries. We do not hear a ping while standing close to a sound source because of our ear’s structural deficiency in deciphering it. Or, the wave could be far away and have dissipated before reaching us. Without silence between notes, music would not exist—the gap between notes is as important as the instruments musicians play. Or between the words we gift, the unvoiced makes us the lover.

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** Kopfkino: (noun) the act of playing through an entire scenario in your mind. Pronounce it without the “p” sound. A German word that translates to “head cinema.”

** উদার [Meaning: generous, liberal, bountiful, noble, free]
{Udar: Pronounce the “U” as Woo. The Bengali word sounds as Woo-dar.} 

It’s always the eyes. It’s always the ‘I.’ These two seeds are the root of most of our problems! But what if we were empowered to change this? What if we turned our gaze inward and reflected on the ‘I’ that shapes reality? Introspection is not a burden but a powerful path to understanding, empowering us to control our narratives.

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Finifugal (adjective): hating endings; someone who prolongs saying goodbye for as long as possible.

The verdict was never in doubt, always a matter of ‘when ‘rather than ‘if’. No matter our deeds, the final call will not be a whisper. None will emerge unscathed; it’s a harsh reality: No one will escape the trial of life. 

Our existence, in all its facets, is undeniably transient and ephemeral. We navigate our days as active participants, seizing every moment or withdrawn observers. But regardless of our approach, time inevitably erodes its custodians. This truth becomes most poignant as we transition between life’s chapters, weather its changes, and ultimately meet our fate. Does the fleeting nature of life not compel us to seek guidance and make our choices count?

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Ataraxia: (noun) a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquility.

Apricity: the warmth of the sun in winter

Only sometimes does the exact outcome yield. There is invariably an exception, a pause, or an anomaly in how we may predict future consequences to take shape!

I used to think that time was boundless and that an elegant, charismatic self would surely bloom sometime when I traveled through a tranquil, picturesque landscape. The flowery meadow appeared endless in dreams and unwilling to welcome the horizon. I romanticized this expensive panorama could soothe a broken heart in a blink. When the heart heals, I could be on my way to prosperity, a sentiment I cherish. But I never met outcomes in the cranial abode where I lived! A dead man walking, if you have not noticed.

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Memorous pronunciation: (MEM-uhr-uhs)

Meaning: (Adjective) Likely to be remembered; notable.

We don’t realize the end of our vigor approaching us every second. The unknown has been the most trusted companion for eons, but we never conquered the art of coexisting agreeably with this mystery. Mostly, we nurture a belief to outrun.

My pulse loses tempo when the idea of demise surfaces in awareness. How must it feel when the present dissolves—that last word, action, or emotion gushes out of my heart into oblivion? Is there any assurance that we become acutely aware of the last breath? How does one contemplate impermanence? What could constitute success in daubing the white paper with ink blobs to convey emotions? Can we paint all sentiments? What is the other side of this coin of temporariness? Does an acknowledgment make us involuntarily grateful for our short fling on earth? Annoyance ignites all my cells.

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Palladian (Adjective): 1. Wise or learned. 2. Relating to wisdom, knowledge, or learning.

Anupol is a Bengali word that means short duration of time. It pronounces “Awe – noo (as in nook) – Paul.”

Another way to dissect this word is to use the word “Anu,” which means an atom and a “pol” moment.

My shoulders felt heavy in a picturesque setting on a spring evening. A sudden, long exhale surprised me, and I said to myself, not here, not now, not like this. Do I want to open the Pandora’s box I have been avoiding to examine? What I have been, what I gave back in return, what I meant to others, and how I treated myself looking at a mirror. These deliberations were folded away in the corner of my mind but suddenly bubbled up like an old, faithful geyser. I realized the odds were decked against me to define all these.

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Mibae (Pronunciation Me-Ba-A) a Japanese word

Meaning: (Noun) Vanity, Appearance, Attractiveness, Appeal, and Attraction

What a great surprise that we must learn to embrace the constant fierce flux to stay grounded on this ever-spinning globe! How do we love something—our body and mind—that constantly needs to be elsewhere and invariably changes with the earth’s rotation every moment? 

Our heartbreaks, too, often lead us on a journey of transformation—a flight from the pain. Unknowingly, we move towards pain in our imaginations, hopes, and dreams. When we, the earthlings, return to the bruises along with her rotations, we mistook the authority of these injuries. They reshape our future. A journey with scars is a one-way street. We don’t return to the same state as the person we were. We become another being. So, we long and yarn for a magical erasure of all illness and misfortune to heal wounds, mend brokenness, undo wrong, and serve justice.

Habits, as reflections of our thoughts and perceptions, serve as a mirror to our inner selves. They are the remnants and imprints of our thoughts, including opinions and biases, that necessitate regular, honest introspection. This reflective journey, free from the need to seek approval from others, is vital in stopping a skein of words from taking root in our hearts. It helps prevent the growth of assumptions that often lead to views that seem accurate but are rarely correct.

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Ripstaver: Pronunciation (RIP-stay-vuhr)

Meaning :(Noun) Something or someone remarkable.

Etymology: From rip (to tear) + stave (to break or crush). The combination suggests forceful energy, a breaking of boundaries, or implying something exceptional.

As I stepped foot in a foreign land, the euphoria collided with my ill-conceived understanding of what awaited! The weather, the culture, and countless other issues. Leaving our known environment is always a surprise, but mine was rooted in shallow insight and feeble, slipshod research. The moment I started my life in the newfound land, I relentlessly dodged hail and thunderous situations only to smile, sometimes almost immediately by a bright sun of hope through a thick cloud of my anxiety. There were headwinds in all of my efforts! Moving, getting up, and doing mundane tasks felt excruciatingly demanding on every part of my mind and body. Always chasing for more time, holding my breath often, and constantly being uncomfortable with myself left me exhausted, even when I woke up in the morning! The scenarios became routine, and I believed that was how my life would be. But during these stormy periods, quietly and blessedly, my earliest grown-up realization about life began to sprout without fireworks, banners, or confetti. The sense of being in a pendulum state, oscillating between the crest and trough of possibilities and chances, turned my metiers endurable. I resolved on an order for my exertions; choose quickly but firmly and begin—that’s all there is. There is never an end to analyzing all options, and there is never a perfect time to start.

Choosing and owning a sailboat is entirely riddled with conflicting ideas and desires. Both activities require constant compromises. Accepting that no single boat, no matter how technologically advanced, can have all the features one desires. As we add features critical to its construction, albeit essential, another component must give up its right to be part of the vessel. If we were serious about sailing! Ultimately, it becomes a matter of concession: what we must select for our expedition and its remaining features that meet most of our fundamental needs but only a few of our opulence and wishes. Without a contemplative devotion towards longing, it would be challenging to be at peace with our final commitment.

An officer scanned a parking violation ticket on a van as I walked by her after parking a half-dozen cars behind. It was a pitch-dark 5:15 AM Friday at the bus stop, and many surrounding apartment residents barely woke up. I unintentionally sparked a debate among other passengers. The discussion was about whether the driver, passenger, or both had to use the nearby convenience store due to an urgent need. One of the passengers quickly refuted that the officer might have checked the bonnet and determined that the car had not been used for a while. Some contended that, to all parking officers, infractions are all the same, regardless of the specifics. Without complicated options, how would the world appear?

Humility coalesces our understanding of the universe’s mysteries. Only when we are mindful and humble can we begin to grasp to some degree the enormity and complexities of the cosmos. Our assumptions are put into perspective with the aid of, say, the James Webb telescope, an engineering marvel that peers through millions of light-year distances. We can see the stars and planets, but not the force that keeps them apart or the power that shapes them in the galaxies. Our perception seems tiniest! What we think or assume is significant—arrogance—falls apart quickly compared to what is invisible and how immense the universe is! As if there is no end. What we fail to notice is far more significant than what we can.

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Taym (Arabic) enslavement by Love

Zugunruhe is a German word to describe the “restlessness” experienced by migratory birds. It’s a behavioral manifestation of the physiological changes leading to migration. The word is made up of the words “Zug” (move, migration) and “Unruhe” (anxiety, restlessness). It’s an internal cue that wild birds use to begin their seasonal migrations.

Moni is a Bengali word meaning “retina.” In literature, it is the door to a person’s soul.

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Palooka: pronunciation (puh-LOOK-uh)

Meaning: (noun) 1. A clumsy or foolish person. 2. Someone who is incompetent or inexperienced, especially as a boxer.

Balsam: (noun) Something that soothes or heals

It is a blessing that we don’t know our precise endings. Otherwise, the finest go-getters among us could not have moved past a single step. A sense of uselessness, a moot feeling, would tie everyone with heavy gravity-like shackles to the earth’s core! Regularly, though, we lurch into an inconsistent belief from the eruption of our doubts. The exactness of fate seems arguable in our minds, which fuels the yearning to turn things around to our ultimate advantage. How much absolute control do we retain over this assumption? What would constitute a good ending if we walked through it on our terms? Would the verdict be universal? The brittleness of these inquisitions is too convoluted to confront head-on. The hermit says, “You can change how, when, and what path you choose, but you reach the same finish line. Everyone’s permanent address is not unique. It is the same.” So, every heart is always ablaze in a stupor. Is it then a crime to avoid heeding any path? Can we not seal ourselves in a dungeon and twiddle our thumbs instead? We would feel triumphant momentarily in the most mundane, monotonous activities, but would our hearts feel ameliorated, at least temporarily?

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Sciamachy Pronunciation (sy-AM-uh-kee) Also, skiamachy (sky-)

Meaning (noun): a mock fight or a fight with an imaginary enemy.

Etymology: From Greek skiamachia, from skia (shadow) + machia (battle).

The ghost has no shape, yet I can feel its presence. It does not always say anything audible, but I hear its voice relentlessly. Heavy exhaustion from my fight with an imaginary adversary swallows up all energies. Yet, there are no tangible results from any investigation to discover who this opponent is! I often outrun my shadow and find refuge in the light, but how do I draw away from myself? Do others have phantoms like mine? If they do, shouldn’t we learn to cohabit with our ghouls like we learn languages to express our emotions? We may prefer and become skilled at hiding the demons, but for how long? Isn’t an entire lifetime for the charade to continue too long? Who, if anybody, is even listening to or paying attention to my despair? No one!

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Kumiko is a traditional Japanese woodworking technique for creating intricate patterns and designs without nails or glue for “shoji” screens and other decorative elements in architecture, furniture, and various modern applications.

‘Eunoia’ is a linguistic marvel, the shortest word in English to contain all vowels. Its shortness is not a mere quirk but a profound symbol of unity and harmony. Its existence is indebted to a single consonant, ’n,’ an impurity in a vowel world. The same is valid for jewelry: small contaminants are necessary to give ornaments a solid shape. For the word ‘soul,’ there is no such pollutant. We perceive it simply as a noun. The wonder is not in spelling but in usage—it could be more! A time-dependent effort to keep our souls alive. Without such activity, could we lose our souls?