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In the hush after ruin, the heart falls to love.

I. The Language of Gaps

Who owns the past—our past?

Flicker held in pause—before the storm claims it.

The moment vanishes, like the last ripple on a pond—before understanding has learned its name, before feeling clothes itself in speech. It is a sigh trembling on the lips, a tear that shimmers before sorrow names it, a gentle twilight between being and becoming. Every flash fades before meaning takes root, before memory dares to hold it close. Like a photograph blooming in slow light, life reveals itself only when we pause long enough to revere it. To linger is to love; to notice is to nurture what would otherwise drift unseen. Reverence molds the moment; without stillness, existence remains unfelt. To seize that flicker before comprehension—to dwell, however briefly, in the “moment before the moment”—is to to mend what is broken, to love what is small, to rise in grace even when the heart trembles in longing.

We learned to count because we could not learn to stay.

The ground gives way without warning.
It simply withdraws.

A spring sky darkens, and the wind from the northwest arrives like the breath of something older than fear—something that remembers us better than we remember ourselves. I tell myself this shaking is familiar—that I have known it before, that it has passed through me in other seasons and left me standing. But reassurance is a fragile architecture. Anxiety arrives unbidden, loosening belief, thinning conviction, erasing the quiet assurances I once mistook for permanence. What once held me steady disappears, and I am left kneeling among the scattered pieces of myself, unsure which fragments still belong.

What remains learns how to speak.

What lingers does not remain inert. It moves quietly, shaping how we enter the present. Memory is not a vault we revisit, but a force that accompanies us—altering the temperature of each encounter, bending the light by which we recognize one another.

We remember not what happened, but what stayed.

Only fragments of the past remain within reach. The rest slips away, settling into an unmarked reliquary beneath consciousness, where forgetting is less an erasure than a quiet form of shelter. What we carry forward is never the whole—it is what survived our leaving.

Note:

Kaizen:

Meaning - Kaizen is a Japanese concept in business studies which asserts that significant positive results come from the cumulative effect of many, often minor (and even trivial), improvements to all aspects of an operation.

Niyamat:

Primarily found in the Arabic-speaking world, it means “blessings” or “gifts,” and it often carries a connotation of grace and favor.

On the edge, right before a sensible understanding occurs, a feeling before it has a moniker, a tear that swells before grief takes shape, an uncharted span before being or becoming: the flash, the moment is on the run! It vanishes swiftly before meaning emerges, or we etch experience into memory. Moments are lonesome, mostly. The interrogative spear of judgment in loneliness unsettles us. We are fearful of being alone for a moment! Without acute awareness of the instant, we are oblivious to what we lose.

Note:

Flit: verb -

to move in an erratic fluttering manner

to pass quickly or abruptly from one place or condition to another

Spadiceous: adjective - of a reddish-brown color

The sun surrenders to the horizon, leaving behind layers of amber and rose-gold clouds that fade into deep indigo—each hue a slow confession to the night. Near a valley, dusk drapes the grand contours of the distant mountains in its dark embrace. Faint light seeps from nearby dwellings, spreading across the sedated land until its shapes turn to traces—souvenirs of Earth’s past. We bury bygone days deep in some distant gorge, but the past resurfaces; it endures. As the time ticks on, the ambient sound loses its vigor, a hush cloaks the bustling metropolis. The world itself exhales after a long day. The land seems to whisper: nothing ever truly ends - only transforms.

Time does not stop; it simply ceases to include us.

Asystole names the moment when rhythm stops.
In the body, this appears as the absence of a heartbeat—the flat line where motion ceases and measurement loses its authority. What follows is not merely silence, but confirmation: a pause where measurement no longer applies.

Note:

Leal: Pronunciation (leel)

Meaning: Adjective, Loyal; honest; true.

Inspiration: The Notebooks of F. Scott Fitzgerald - [#249] “The wind searched the walls for the old dust.”

The wind in springtime, a nomad soul, wanders over the bushes, brick-covered roads, prairies, and meadows as if it is in search of a friend from yesteryear. It gathers a few dry leaves from recent years to consult. At that opportune moment, the sand dust jumps on its lap with a whooshing tune for a joy ride across the landscape. A rhythmic symphony emerges from the sound of dropped leaves and sand dust landing on hard surfaces after their wind-sailing, inviting the heart to dance. The sun, with its warm touch, caresses the wrinkled skin, peeling off the winter’s rust from the old bones. Everything - the new green leaves, jubilant birds, busy bees on flower beds, and consoled souls recovering from the winter spell - all are ecstatic. The sky-blue sky, with its jolly white puffy clouds, transforms the surroundings into a dazzling celebration for the attentive residents. These were the memories of spring in the western US before the COVID pandemic eradicated tranquility and normalcy. Where might she have eloped, and why? Frequent triple-digit heat has replaced mild temperatures, and the weather has undergone a consequential transformation, it seems. Ominous, menacing clouds often cover the cheerful sky and its animated inhabitants. Crisp breezes that once offered a healing touch turned into hostile winds.

Note:

Ozymandias: Pronunciation (oz-uh-MAN-dee-uhs)

Meaning: (Noun)

A symbol of the impermanence of power and pride.

A megalomaniac tyrant, especially one whose arrogance is undone by time.

A lone life offers a profound liberation: it eliminates the illusion of alternatives, making any consideration of options irrelevant. Without the perpetual pros and cons analysis that plagues decision-making, a truly lived single life becomes a series of decisive acts. This singular approach to presence erases moratorium and the endless “should” or “shouldn’t” deliberations from what-if scenarios, allowing for an unburdened engagement with the present.

Note:

Stiggins > Pronunciation: (STI-ginz)

 Meaning: (Noun) A pious impostor.

Etymology: After Reverend Stiggins in Charles Dickens’ novel The Pickwick Papers .

Al-girbah: An Arabic word for a pouch made of leather for Bedouins to store water.

Soliloquy: (noun) an act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud when one is by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play.

I often converse with a ghost, but rarely remember what we discussed! It has no shape, yet its presence is weighty. It doesn’t speak out loud, but I can hear its voice persistently and clearly. Our conversations are argumentative. Exhaustion from the dispute ruins all my energy. Yet, there are no concrete results when I investigate to uncover who this opponent truly is! I can outrun my shadow and seek refuge in the light, but the phantom’s presence is in the countless wrinkles of my brain. And, it dictates relentlessly, as if it is sure that the world’s end is near. I cannot withdraw entirely from the whispers. All efforts fail miserably. Do we all carry burdens as ghouls? Shouldn’t we all learn to cohabit with our ghosts, if they exist? Instead, we preferred to remain in hiding and became skilled at it, but for how long? Isn’t it an entire lifetime for the charade to continue for too long?

NOTE:

Carthaginian Peace [Pronunciation - kar-thuh-JIN-ee-uhn pees]

Meaning: (noun) Peace or settlement in which very harsh terms are imposed on the defeated side.

The term harks back to the Punic Wars (264-146 BCE), where Rome decisively defeated its rival, Carthage. After the third and final war, Rome didn’t just win; they went full scorched-earth (and possibly salted the earth so nothing would grow, though historians debate that part). Carthage was destroyed, forced to pay massive tributes, forbidden from having a military, and its population killed or enslaved. The economist John Maynard Keynes popularized the term.

Note:

Whatness

Meaning: (Noun) That constitutes a thing’s fundamental nature: the essence or inherent quality.

I don’t see what I am doing. I sleepwalk on autopilot while everything stares at me like an owl, even in the dark. Constantly oblivious that all my minor grinds are the embryones of what I do and everything else. What should I do instead, then? That is challenging to acknowledge because the list of things I should not be doing is overlong and laughable. I am ashamed to revisit the list purposefully! They might disappear if I don’t look at them long enough - a fantasy I value and cling to. What if there is a day of reckoning when there is nothing to refute, all arguments are over, only facts stand, and nobody can deny anything? That would be most terrifying since I have lived in camouflage. No, this false assertion needs a correction: I have not lived with the truth.

Note:

Korero: Pronunciation (KOR-uh-roh) OR (kuh-REE-roh).

Meaning: (noun) A meeting, discussion, conversation, or storytelling session.
Verb Intransitive: To speak, talk, or discuss.

Perspicuity: (noun) clearness, lucidity, or the quality of being easy to understand.

Pule: To cry softly or weakly, often when you don’t have the energy to cry louder.

The qalb (Arabic), or heart, is the center of the human spirituality and personality. Its root meaning suggests that the heart is always in a state of transformation.

Note:

In Japanese, a “prayer of ancestors” is most commonly referred to as “Obon” (お盆), which is a festival where people honor the spirits of their deceased family members; it is a combination of ancient Japanese beliefs and Buddhist customs to venerate ancestral spirits.

Insufflate: pronunciation (IN-suh-flayt, in-SUHF-layt)

Meaning: verb transitive\

1. To blow or breathe into.\
2. To bless by breathing or blowing on baptismal water or a person.

Of course, being wrong could be an inestimable loss. Avoiding mistakes could cost even more than we foresee. European Robins of Scandinavia sacrifice their lives in both instances—if they fail to estimate the arrival and severity of the Nordic winter on time, or do not risk flying without a precise map on their maiden trip to a warmer climate. Which prayers guide it in forecasting winter without the Doppler radar or a weather satellite? Where does the certainty come from when it decides the flight path? All we see is that its days are full of chirps and hymns. While it is utterly oblivious to the dangers ahead, it flies to safety.

Note:

Asar is an Arabic word for time.

The root of “Asar” relates to “leaving a mark, trace, or effect.” Words derived from this root often revolve around ideas of “impact, consequence, and legacy.” “Asar” conveys the idea of something remaining behind—a physical trace, an effect, or a legacy—and its root ties it to the broader concept of leaving an impression or influence.

An invitation.

The earth does not hiccup when missing a soul. It is inattentive to what it carries while spinning animatedly.

Note:

Abulia: An absence of willpower or an inability to act decisively as a symptom of mental illness.

A priori: Relating to or denoting reasoning or knowledge that proceeds from theoretical deduction rather than from observation or experience.

Oblate: In geometry, it describes a shape flattened at the poles and bulging at the equator, like a slightly squashed sphere. Earth is an oblate spheroid.

Spheroid: A spheroid is a 3D shape that’s very similar to a sphere, but it’s not perfectly round. It’s formed by rotating an ellipse (an oval shape) around one of its axes.

Note

Wahm (وهم): This Arabic term refers to an “illusion,” “delusion,” or “error.” A false perception or belief resulted in the outcome or the result.

Penumbra: (noun) The partially shaded outer region of the shadow cast by an opaque object. Example: The shadow cast by the earth or moon over an area experiencing a partial eclipse.

Sometimes, our only fault is that we open our eyes in the morning! All bones and cells instantly sense the manic absurdity of our lives and everything around us. It could be either the land beneath our feet is slipping away, the sky with a minacious look turning into a terror, or the wind spewing fire like a mythical dragon. We are beyond the aid of convictions, faith, and devotion—the anchors of consolations vaporize like hot steam. More than anything, we want to pick up as many broken pieces of ourselves as possible at that moment! We want to tie a leash around the sudden changes and those anomalies that disregard the reasoning of logical thinking. All this frenzy often transpires simultaneously with a vengeance to destroy our life-trails. So, even in kinder circumstances, our every waking instant is tangled in counting—count with a clock, calendar, chart, or benchmark! Counting creates a safe haven, albeit a false sense of security. At some point, the grace of counting ebbs; we abandon counting; we are forced to tolerate the inconsistent behavior of numbers.

Note:

Hitorigoto: In Japanese, literally means “talking to oneself.” The concept of self-talk in Japanese is seen as a valuable tool for personal development and language learning.

Solandis means “delicate flower” and is considered an Old English name. It is a feminine name that is considered whimsical and unique.

This post is a conversation with the imaginative “I.”

We have reached dusk, and it is getting darker with each blink. Can we try to untangle the skein of your existence in our shared life? The sun, moon, wind, and seasons danced in synchrony as if only to have shaped an enigma, you—so they say. Is this the truth?

Note:

Penetralium: Pronunciation (peh-nuh-TRAY-lee-uhm). Meaning: (noun) The innermost, secret, or hidden part of something.

Hypnagogic is the transitional state of consciousness that occurs when you’re falling asleep, characterized by involuntary and fleeting perceptual experiences called hypnagogic hallucinations

Heliacal: pronunciation (he-​li-​a-​cal) relating to or near the Sun. Significantly, the last setting of a star before, and the first rising after, invisibility because of conjunction with the sun.

Kiswa: The Kiswah, or kiswa, is the black brocade cloth that covers the Kaaba, the most sacred shrine in Islam, which is located in the Great Mosque in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. The term “kiswah” can be translated as “robe” or “garment.”